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"One night I was singing on stage when my mind began to wander and I started to imagine the microphone being made out bees. Now, I knew that wasn’t going to happen, but at the time the part of my brain that determines that it’s impossible for a vocal mic to turn into bees was busy with the whole singing thing, so the emotional center of my brain was left to consider how much it would suck to have bees climbing all over my face and up into my sinuses. This probably gave me somewhat of an upset stomach and probably a little gas but I don’t remember exactly. Oh, and another time I started to pretend that the audience’s cheering was actually screams of pain. That was super weird. Also, sometimes I pretend the red light on the front of house video camera is a laser scope and I’m about to be sniped because I know too much. Other than that I’m just thinking about playing music and having staring contests with bored looking boyfriends."

John on the weirdest thing that's gone through his head while playing a concert.

we hooked up but I swear

I posted some pictures and some quotes of John's here. This includes the batman ears hoodie and the horrifyingly hilarious banana-hammock.

on tomorrow

Adventures in Twitter:

On a scale of 8-10, how much do I look like Robert Pattinson? Please leave your answers all day.

70% of People.com readers said they would not date me. By the numbers: 13m site viewers-86% female= 11.1m-70% 'no' = 3.33m who WOULD!! To my 3.33m foxy little ladies: requests for sweet, sweet love making will be answered in the order they were received.

Mick Jagger hasn't gotten any less famous, but fame has gotten a lot less Mick Jagger.

Jul. 21st, 2008

You may have my image, but you cannot take my sound.
-- john mayer
(To the magazines, blogs, entertainment shows, etc.)
We all need more of him in our lives, I think:

"Who I am as a guitarist is defined by my failure to become Jimi Hendrix."

"If I wake up in the morning and I don't want to get you a coffee or if I don't see you for a week and I don't want to go figure out something to FedEx you, then we've got a problem. You can fake the words I miss you, but you can't fake getting someone a book." (on knowing that he really likes a girl)

"I can get into anything, like training a hawk or learning how to fly a helicopter. I collect watches. I went through a blackjack phase. I'd like to learn locksmithing. Being more multifaceted makes you a better companion, and it would make you a better husband." (on hidden talents)

"It's almost charity work, what people have done, turning other people on to my music."

"I am beginning to know what it feels like to be a woman. To have people looking at you all the time. And I'm sorry ladies, I had no idea! But people are looking at me all the time. It's like I have musical boobies!"

"Ladies, if you want to know the way to my heart...good spelling and good grammar, good punctuation, capitalize only where you are supposed to capitalize - it's done."

"I love you all so much. We really need to come up with a new name for 'fans'. How about really-good-friends-who-can't-come-over-to-my-house?"

"I don't mind making sissy rock... I'll rock your ass sensitive-style."

Jan. 15th, 2008

From John's blog entry entitled "douchebag".

"In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy's got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it's not your dad's rock star template, but he'd be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They're ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete's going to keep pretending. Because that's all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that's what people think being a douchebag is?)"

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Anyone like Pete Wentz? Dislike him?
“What I enjoy about the live experience is getting onstage, being handed a guitar that is in tune, taking it off mute, knowing that the very moment I want to play a note, I can play it. People are waiting on me and I'm waiting on me, and I have no idea what I'm going to play. That's the biggest joy in life.”

Amen. Anyone else know exactly what he's talking about?
Most of ya have probbaly heard this once, since it's older, but I love it anyways.

"I'm in seventeen magazine this month. Not that thats a bad thing, it just wasnt a part of the fantasy. Thats ok though cause sometimes I like giving my answers at an eigth grade level.Its kind of come full circle though cause I learned everything I know from Seventeen magazine. Like menstruation can really get in the way of dates. And the only thing you guys have clean during that time is white shorts. I didnt know that. So I took everything I learned from 17 magazine and wrote a little song about it." (Precursor to Your Body is a Wonderland.)

This is one of my favorites

This rant is from "As/Is: Cleveland/Cincinnati, OH - 8/03-8/04/04 (Live)" Daughters

I love it so much, it really rings true for me.

I tried, did all I can do, to solve the puzzle that is you and I
Come to find my ego don’t belong don’t here, it’s just a fact of life,
My ego don’t belong here you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife, you’re not my wife.
And I was cool, and I was cool, so cool
Thinking of you, thinking of you as a fixer upper someone I can come and pair up with, change a little bit, change a little bit. And all your previous guys they would see you and me and they would say “what’s that boy got that I don’t have?”
And I smile when I'm walking by, and I’ll know in the wink of an eye that I’ve got the right girl for a time, I've made her mine.

The fact is that all of that is completely unrealistic and makes no sense at all
You might as well try and raise the dead while your at it, cus its not gonna happen
Like one day, she’s just going to be looking at you, and you’re going to string together the perfect series of words in the most articulate way you ever have, in ways that even astound you, but should you stop to congratulate yourself you’d stop making your point so you just continue on.
And she going to look at you and the tears, the tears are gonna well up in her eyes and she gonna go “ I never saw it that way”
When really the fact is if she could’ve seen it that way she would’ve a long, long time ago.

There’s only a few ways that you can explain it to somebody, maybe two things . . .
Number one “I love you”
Number two, something that a lot of girls need to learn on their own, I’m not pushing any body its just saying, one thing a girl needs to learn to understand
Three words “I’m . . . . Not . . . .Him”
When I saw John at the Royal Albert Hall in October, he poked fun at the fact that 'Your Body is a Wonderland' had been voted one of the most annoying songs in the world by saying that the song had 'been voted the best song in the world but all the presidents of the world.' Okay, so it wasn't as cleverly witty as the things he usually comes out with but it made me chuckle.
I love that song though, I can't see why it's seen as annoying..